The Competition

Turtle lived at a house and i was there all the time, "live nudes" (other house mate) and 1000-cigarettes (the other female housemate) all ended up single and slightly depressed. Then one day we thought "lets try to have a lot of sex with a lot of different people" in hopes it would fix this depression. This resulted in the competition:



The rules:
- 10 points: sex (that is vaginas and penises together)
- anal: 15 points
- evidence (eg photos or undies): 5 points
- the assist: 2 points (wing man or other actions that result in other getting sex)
- sex with a ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend: -10 points
- headjob with an ex: -3 points
- threesome: 40 points
- sex with someone double your age: 20 points
- same sex: 100 points (only in the hopes that 1000 cigarettes would have hot lesbian sex)
- if you do not cum during sex you are disqualified for "not getting shit done"
- double points on opening ceremony
- sex with ex's best friend: 50 points

We thought that there was to be no winning trophy instead you had more sex then everyone and get bragging rights. Meaning that there was only a losing trophy which was suggested to be a fish tank filled with the old condoms that the other contestants used through out the competition

the suggested names of the competition:
- how many people 1000-cigarettes can sleep with more then us
- so you think you can sex people
- who can tick the most people into sex while drunk

Turtle was quite upset because he stated if the competition was "Time spent having sex" he would have won because he was having heaps of it just with the wrong people.

Final scores after December
Live nudes 10 points
1000 ciggs 10 points
Turtle -41 points
Hawk 12 points

Thou I may have won, I feel like we all won. Thats it, computer off, time for bed. Till next time may wet dreams come your way.

Okay so no one is really reading this blog

crisis meeting friends (all none of you) i am slightly freaking out (cue music)



No one is reading this blog, i mean no one, even this post its self? doesnt make a lick of sense? Well i am going to change that all, right now.

Step 1. SPAM! heaps, it will involve a lot of post in a lot forums which may sound a little something like this "rofl!!! Oh Mai gawd laughed so hard but really guys if you like funni shit check out this web site I found so goooddd" and so on and so forth

Step 2. This post. Now i am going to add some popular phrases that people will search regularly on the internets and in turn lead them to here. Feel free to skip the rest of this paragraph. "I love Justin Beber" "who is Justin Beber" "lesbians that look like Justin Beber" "free porn" "I have been watching heaps of porn and now my computer is fucked!!! Help please" " meth recipe using house hold ingredients" " legal addvice for drug production charges" "facebook" "Wikipedia" " best nipple slips of 1971" "what do the mushrooms that get you high look like"

Step 3. Fake people - made up to comment this blog #see bellow

Step 4. The false promise of free stuff 34 blog comment get a year supply of French onion dip!

Step 5. Actually post interesting stuff - on a regular basis (I don't know about this one someone suggested it, what do they know)

So there we go lack of people reading fixed *slaps hands together imaginary internet dust flies away*

Are we on?

“It's best to have failure happen early in life. It wakes up the Phoenix bird in you so you rise from the ashes.” Someone of historical note




i see the three post bellow as the ashes and the following posts as the phoenix, mind you not a very interesting phoenix but a phoenix none the less.

News, life goals, ideas, plans and happenings. You have all missed oodles and i guess a brief run down is needed because much has changed. I hawk no longer have a Mohawk and have a new job in which I have to work Tuesday to Saturday 9 am to 1 am, and turtle is off in Canada enjoy the relaxed drug laws and working with red necks who eat bear spaghetti. We are planning to meet up in New York for Christmas and New Eve Years and it will be a mess.

what brought me back?

I have a car, it’s a nice car and by nice I mean it runs really well. The problem is it has a lot of dints and scratches from not being able to accurately judge depth, width and length whilst driving. I needed a way to fix it, so I thought simply I will cover the entire can in Astor turf. I felt that this should be document and put on the internet somewhere. And here it is

More mad updates soon, but please remain sitting in the centre of yours seats and be excellent to your mother

dont hate us cause we Hiatus (so much pun)

hi·a·tus

–noun, plural

A break or interruption in the continuity of a work, series, action, etc.

That is whats happening, why after only two post? acute herpes. You cornered us internet and look what you made us DO! we are currently juggle being unemployed and drunk (can you juggle two things??) and are finding it hard to find time, we plan to get back and blow you away with funny things that happen to us, soon.

so soon

A blog that reviews other blogs that review stuff

Today i make a stand, today i say “who are these people on the internet saying things are good or bad?”, they are anyone, i am anyone, i choose to judge blogs. My plan, a blog that reviews other blogs in hopes to fight poor reviewing.

Now for me to judge a blog i think there needs to be a standard like a 10/10 or like moby dick the novel. well I will be comparing all blog sites to the amazing Teapots Teapots Teapots - http://teapotsteapotsteapots.blogspot.com/

Which i personally feel is the closest anyone can come to perfection and i will explain how teapots teapots teapots has changed my life in a very real way, and allowed me to overcome a severe crisis in my personal life. It is well know in the blog community the the premise of “teapots teapots teapots” is expressing passion and teapots together for the reason of attracting things in life that you desire and need. before finding this site, i knew nothing of the love for teapots, teapot collecting, cute teapot shaped things like earrings and had actually engaged in reckless behaviors that endangered my own life and teapots.


At age 16 i was being grounded all the time for being intoxicated and threatening my mother to smash the family teapot, she finally drew the line when she discovered i had drunkenly defecated in the family heirloom for the third time and i was forced out of my home, i obviously had an alcohol problem and a deep intense disrespect for teapots, I was inviting destructive influences into my life. i thought a lot about teapots over the next few years as i drifted in and out of different homes and would tell everyone “What a bitch, its just a fucken tea pot and i need to go to the toilet on 3 separate occasions and it was close to me” then my gay friend Testicals Butt Face sent me the link to teapots teapots teapots which I read all 5 years worth of content, i felt every emotion happyness, saddness, laugherness, hunger and mild appetite loss. And it just clicked teapots are like best thing in the world.


It showed me a teapot says, "Sit down, dear. Relax. How are you? Cream? Sugar? Lemon, perhaps?" not “Sit down, dear. Relax. Defecate in me it will be hilarious”. Now before you all get on your high horse “this isn’t a review blog you fucken dickhead” well that's where your wrong they show you that all teapots are amazing there is no such thing as a bad teapot only a misunderstood teapot.

- teapots teapots teapots i give you ten thousand teapots of ten thousand teapots. Please share your teapot stories with us in the form of a comment

We run melborune

Attention internet welcome to the most realistic written life experiences of Hawk and Turtle

Firstly who?
Hawk - a 20 something guy, odd taste of clothes, works way to much, sleep way to little, has a mo-hawk
Turtle - 20 something dude, mad nu-chuck skills, sleeps in boxers lives in jocks, likes turtle
what?
we think about things then write about them on this blog
Really?
yes
Why?
for your enjoyment